Tuesday June 17:

Kitten to Kidnappers:

I'm sorry that my lack of reply has led you to believe that I no longer care about Graham.

(His name is GRAHAM, not "Eduardo.")

I have been forced to contact the police regarding this kidnapping. However, since the human police do not comprehend how a penguin could become a freedom fighter, they directed me to the social services department. The woman I spoke with there seemed very understanding, but after talking with me for an hour regarding Graham, his disappearance, and the subsequent news of his Penguinese Liberation Army involvement, she apparently felt that the problem was with my brain. I was held over the weekend in the Vanderbilt University Medical Center psychiatric hospital because the authorities felt I was a risk to myself and others.

They are making me attend weekly therapy sessions and have started me on antipsychotic medication in order to get my "delusions" under control.

I was at the point where I was starting to believe that they were right and that Graham must have merely gotten lost somewhere in my desk. They told me that there was no way a penguin could change his name and take up arms against the oppression of its species. But now that I am medicated, and still receiving emails from you regarding Graham, I know it surely must all be real. I will be flushing my Haldol down the toilet after I send this email.

If you have further instructions regarding the return of Graham, I am all ears. Otherwise, all I ask is that you watch over him in his struggle against sea lions and keep him safe.

~Kitten

Kidnappers to Kitten (re: psychiatric care for you and your penguin):

Hmm...

It appears both you and your penguin have required the care of a psychiatric professional in the last couple of days.

Are you sad? Depressed, like poor Eduardo? Dr. Nuthouse is conducting therapy at this very moment. Perhaps a joke will cheer you up.

A penguin takes his sputtering and stalling car to the auto shop, gets out and asks the mechanic to look at it. While the mechanic is looking at the car, the penguin goes to the local shop and buys an ice cream cone. Being a penguin and lacking opposable thumbs, he gets ice cream all over his face. He goes back to the mechanic and the mechanic looks at him and said "it looks like you blew a seal" and the penguin says "nope, it's just ice cream".

If you truly want your penguin back, I believe you must show your dedication to him in some way.

News Clipping:

Penguin Under Suicide Watch
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By G. CHAMBERS WILLIAMS III • Staff Writer • June 18, 2008
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A penguin treated for depression after being found roaming the city is now under a suicide watch at a local psychiatric facility.

During the night, the penguin, who calls himself Eduardo, was found by nurses attempting to break out of his secure room.

"It was mumbling something about finding a seal and ending it all, because nobody loves penguins anymore, only those cute pandas," nurse Mildred Ratched said.

"You know, he's right. I got tired hearing about how wonderful penguins way before that stupid penguin surfing movie. Bet it's related to that Batman bad guy. I'd rather treat some other animal. Pandas are cuter. So are armadillos.

"Should have just strangled itself with that nasty United Federated Forces of the Penguinese Liberation Army t-shirt," she said.

Dr. Judith Nuthouse, the penguin's current therapist, clams the separation from its home is stressful and thoughts of suicide are not unexpected.

"If only someone would come forward who knows this poor creature. It feels abandoned and unloved," she said.

"Who wouldn't feel like ending it all if no one demonstrated care and concern for one of God's creatures?

"We all deserve to be loved. That's why I tried internet dating," she said.

Officials are making arrangements to ship the penguin to another facility, possibly a zoo or circus, as its current location is unsuited for long-term penguin care.

So, the mystery continues...where is Graham? Is he really going by the name "Eduardo?" Did I really neglect him badly enough to make him want to leave me? Or is that a ploy by the kidnappers to make me feel guilty enough to pay their next exorbitant ransom demand? Where will his travels with the Penguinese Liberation Army take him? Will I have to hire a deprogrammer to fix the brainwashing the kidnappers have inflicted on him? And why does Word want me to type "Sanguineous" instead of "Penguinese?"

Stay tuned...