So last week I actually received a ransom note in a bottle (like a pirate's message in a bottle!) left on my computer keyboard, instructing me on how to get my penguin back. The ransom? My rainbow colored plastic slinky.
It was a tedious week here at work, due to a project several of us were working on, so I sent out an email to the people I thought might be entertained by something like a penguin-napping. It was the first time I referred to the penguin by name at work.
Well, I was a day late and a dollar short. I left the slinky in the designated spot (next to the microwave in the second floor break area) but the kidnappers were not satisfied.
I received the following email from TheresAPenguinInMySoup@gmail.com:
Kitten, Kitten, Kitten-- Surely you jest. That ransom note has already expired; that was good yesterday, Girlie. Shoulda paid up earlier. I don't want your slinky. At least not anymore.
P.S. Graham misses you. Have you ever seen penguin tears? Not a pretty sight.
The fact that the kidnapper(s) referred to him by name means the guilty party must be someone who received the email I sent out! Or perhaps they are friendly with someone on that email and the friend told the kidnappers about it. That was the first installment of Penguin-gate.
Rather than email people to tell them what's up with the penguin I thought I'd make a blog to post the details. I've been meaning to start a blog anyway, and this was a perfect excuse. More details to come.
~Carnelian Kitten
2 comments:
Dear sir,
In search of a competent person who would handle issues with utmost good faith and matured confidentiality, i decided to enlist into your service
My name is Johnny Banana son of former Zimbabwean President, Reverend Canaan Sodindo Banana who died on Monday 10th november 2003.My late father was president of Zimbabwe from 1980 -1987.He was succeeded by the then prime minister Robert Mugabe who because of political motives supported my late father former aides and accused him of sexual harassment with same sex (homosexuality) which carries a ten years sentence in Zimbabwe.
Oh how I remember Dad calling me in from playing--"Eduardo, Eduardo," he would call, before straightening my beret. Oh, and I remember things before then too, hazily: a very cold, icy place; dancing late into the night; the forced marches; little pills (oh my beautiful dolls) and a big bridge…and another name too, I seem to recall. Gary? Gray?.....too..hard..to...remember...........
After an eleven days trial we fled to Botswana after receiving information that Robert Mugabe and his cohorts are after our lives and properties thinking my father was supporting the opposition party and trafficking in frozen fish. My father's account in Germany, Luxemburg, Switzerland was frozen by Government of my country. It is only in this fund that my father deposited with this security company declared as personal values and fish that we depend on as our future survival
To summarise this story, my late father decided to deposit the sum of $17,200,000USD (seventeen million two hundred thousand united states dollars) and assorted fish with a private security firm in Europe with my name as the beneficiary.
Since my father is dead now, I consider it worthwhile to look for a partner who will assist us in securing the release of this deposit. For this transaction we will give out 16% for the assistance, 50% share for possible help on investing in any reliable venture, 2% to buy personal properties like a house and cars etc when we relocate to your country, and fish as desired.
If you would want to proceed under these terms, please reply for detailed information.
If you do not accept my offer, please in good fate treat with utmost confidentiality.
A quick reply with your name, telephone and fax numbers for more confidential communication will be highly appreciated.
Regards ,
Johnny Banana.
Aha! I am intrigued by your offer. That certainly is a large amount of money. And fish.
You wouldn't happen to know a little penguin from America named Graham, would you? Is that maybe the name you were thinking of?
I cannot send you my fax and phone numbers right now, because they have been shut down for non-payment. I am in the hospital with acute phlegmitis, awaiting a phlegm transplant. Because of this expense and the cost of the recent funeral of my father's brother's great uncle's chihuahua, I have lost much money and cannot afford a phone or smoked herring.
So, you see, I could definitely use the money you are willing to share with me in utmost good faith and matured confidentiality. Before we can complete any transactions I will need to get my phone turned back on.
Please send a check made out to CASH for $500 to the Eskind Library in Nashville and I will contact you once I use these funds to get my phone turned on again.
~Kitten
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